


We can watch a movie and eat popcorn and maybe feel a little more like sisters

by algernonporcupinesnapdragoooon



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han
Genre: I can’t decide, Like LJ and Jam? Thts cute, Sorry if it is, i guess 9?, idk if Kitty is supposed to be 9 or 13 here, might be OOC?, why don’t people call John Jam?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:42:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24112993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/algernonporcupinesnapdragoooon/pseuds/algernonporcupinesnapdragoooon
Summary: Lara Jean and Kitty have a conversation I felt was missing from the book. Also, Lara Jean makes so decisions I wish she had make in the book. Takes place after Lara Jean and Peter break up but before the USO party and Lara Jean’s birthday. (Based off the book series but if you’ve only seen the movies it’ll probably still make sense)
Relationships: John Ambrose McClaren/Lara Jean Song-Covey, Peter Kavinsky & Lara Jean Song-Covey
Comments: 8
Kudos: 28





	We can watch a movie and eat popcorn and maybe feel a little more like sisters

**Author's Note:**

> If you’ve only seen the movies I wouldn’t necessary qualify this as spoilers, but there might be some confusing stuff. But the main thing is movie Peter>book Peter and book John>movie Peter (don’t @ me, I know this is a controversial opinion). Also, while I kind of have burning hatred for book Peter, Lara Jean obviously doesn’t...also some scenes mentioned were in the movie but please don’t think I’m overestimating their importance, they are way bigger in the book. (Also, I know, first person sucks but that’s the way the book was written and it feels weird having it be written any other way) (Also Also, this is intended to be a one-shot? Drabble? I don’t know, but it seems my mind just can’t make peace with what happened so there may be more in the future.)

I felt it building, subconsciously, like there’s a little bell going off telling me “woah there, something’s up”, but I was too in the moment to notice. And then Kitty had to go open her stupid mouth.

“Peter didn’t do anything wrong! Admit it! You’re just jealous of Gen and insecure and you’re taking it out on Peter!”

Before I can calm myself down, though, I’m yelling. It’s another one of those moments, those out of body experiences. It’s like I’m sitting watching myself from across the room. I see my mouth opening, feel the words come out, but I can barely attach them to myself. They’re hot and angry and burning, from somewhere deep in myself. Somewhere I didn’t realize was so real.

“Peter knew that Gen was the one who took the hot tub video! He knew and he didn’t say anything! He let me go months thinking I was crazy and he defended her at every turn! He’s not some angel boy who can do no wrong, Kitty! And I can’t believe you’d take his side over mine! I-“

Kitty wrapped her arms around me and buried her face in my chest. I stumbled back a little out of surprise.

“I’m sorry Lara Jean.”

I looked down at her, she’s so little. I bent down and placed a kiss on her head.

“No. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to destroy your perception of Peter. Don’t take this to mean something it doesn’t. He’s still a good guy.” No matter how much Peter hurt me, Kitty doesn’t deserve to have her entire view of him ruined. Peter doesn’t deserve the wrath of Kitty, either. She stayed quiet for a moment. I feel a twisting in my stomach and I’m afraid of what I just did.

“Any guy who could do that to you isn’t good.”

I pushed her back and held her at arms length, looking her in the eyes.

“Don’t change for anything, okay? Stay like this forever.”

“I can’t make any promises.”

I pulled her back into a tight hug.

“Margot would be so proud.”

“I know.”

“Kitty?”

“Yeah”

“Do you want to talk?”

She tilted her head back to look me in the eye. “About what?”

“Peter...John”

“Really?!”

“And any guys you might have a crush on.”

“I’ll get the popcorn!” She scurries away to the kitchen, pulling a bag from the pantry.

“Use the caramel powder!”

She frowned at me, but pulled the powder out anyway.

...

“-And then I realized that meant Gen was outside. And when I thought about it, all her friends were inside, and then I remembered how surprised Peter looked when I walked up.”

“No!”

“I asked him if he would have kissed her if I hadn’t walked out and he said he didn’t know.”

“No!!!”

“I know.”

...

“I don’t know. I just, haven’t been as happy as I want to be. Not with Peter, at least. It’s like I’m constantly jealous, or upset, or doing stupid petulant teenager things.”

She didn’t say anything, but I saw in her eyes that she was listening and wanted me to continue.

“And even at the treehouse, Gen was being so horrible, and John said something and then it was just suddenly ok. She was just being immature and stupid and he was almost laughing at her. It’s like when I’m with him, I’m okay. The pain with Peter goes away and I’m just-happy.”

She threw a handful of popcorn at me. “That’s so mushy.”

“Mmm. I know.” I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling. “But you’ve met him. He’s so—“ my voice trailed off and I propped myself up too look at Kitty.

“Sunshiney. He’s so sunshiney.” 

I smiled at her. 

“Yeah. Sunshiney.”

I pulled her down next to me.

“You know he almost asked me to the eighth grade formal?”

“You never tell me any of the interesting things that happen to you.”

“Kitty-!” I’m hurt for a moment, but when the words sink in, I realized she’s right. 

“That’s what I’m doing now, isn’t it?”

...

“So, is he your boyfriend now?” She was trying to be supportive but I could hear in her voice she was hoping maybe not.

“No. Not- yet. He told me he liked me and he basically said he’d be waiting until I was over Peter.” Kitty smiled at that and tried to hide it by pulling another handful of popcorn up to her mouth. I smiled too. “What about you? Any boyfriends, yet?” She smirked a mischievous grin and started giggling.

...

“Kitty,” 

She looked up at me from her the empty bow of popcorn, a little lost in her mind, like she had been considering more than just getting another bowl. It surprises me how she can be so little and so not at the same time. 

“You know that Peter, he’s not all bad, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And I’m not all good, either.” She’s silent so I continue, half making up words as I go. “I can’t erase the bad Peter did and that’s why I need to move on. But I also can’t just forget the good. I guess that’s what I’m worried about. For me and for you.

“I’m afraid that I won’t remember it right. That I’ll hate Peter. Or that I won’t. I don’t know. Peter was a good first boyfriend, I think. And it’s not that we outgrew each other. I think maybe we stopped each other from growing. After a certain point, it just felt like the same issues again and again and nothing was changing. And I don’t know if either of us can take all the blame. But I think we’re better apart.” Worth less than the sum of our parts. More valuable on our own. Or maybe not on our own. But not with each other.


End file.
